Parental alienation
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a syndrome discovered by Richard A. Gardner
Although Parental Alienation Syndrome has not gained official recognition as a psychological disorder, case law has recognized it in child custody disputes.
Gardner's definition of PAS is:
"The parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the target parent."
(Excerpted from: Gardner, R.A. (1998). The Parental Alienation Syndrome, Second Edition, Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics, Inc.)
When the syndrome occures?
Parental Alienation Syndrome, occurs when a parent criticizes the other parent (or stepparent) directly to a child or in front of the children. It will most likely occur during divorce, custody hearings, upon remarriage of a parent, or most commonly during primary contact with the children. The effect is to produce a disturbance in the child's relationship with the other parent.Basically, this means that through verbal and non verbal thoughts, actions and mannerisms, a child is emotionally abused (brainwashed) into thinking the other parent is the enemy. This ranges from bad mouthing the other parent infront of the children, to withholding visits, to pre-arranging the activities for the children while visiting with the other parent.
Interesting booklet on the PAS, with exhausting views and explanations was published in Houston Texas.
Mild stage
In mild cases of PAS there is some parental programming, but contact with the targeted parent is not seriously affected and contact can generally be maintained without too much difficulty, although the child may appear distressed at the time of transition.Detecting PAS in the mild stage however is trickier, as the PAS-inducing parent’s behaviour is generally more subtle and possibly unconscious. The PAS-inducing parent is likely to deny any motivation and/or acts, and states the opposite of what is true. Although statements made by the PAS-inducing parent may be sincerely meant, their view of the targeted parent is compromised and indicated by behaviour.
The following is not an exhaustive list, but other factors in the mild stage would include:
1. When one parent gets a new partner/remarries or has another child.
2. Where little regard is paid to the importance of contact with the other parent.
3. A lack of value/encouragement regarding Indirect contact between periods of direct contact.
4. Little awareness of the distress that a child may feel if direct contact or indirect contact (i.e. phone call) is missed.
5. The inability to tolerate the presence of the targeted parent, even at events that are important to the child.
The PAS-inducing parent may be aware that the child needs the other parent, but this rational belief may be overwhelmed by other factors at this stage.
Moderate stage
In moderate cases of PAS there is a significant degree of parental programming, that results in significant problems around the time of contact. The PAS-inducing parent is very likely to interact with the targeted parent in a manner designed to create conflict so that contact will eventually wither and die. In the moderate stage the child will display anxiety on a more frequent basis around the time of transition, and in all other circumstances. The child’s anxiety normally passes once transition has taken place and very soon afterwards the child is able to relax and become involved with the targeted parent. The child’s bond with the PAS-inducing parent is reasonably healthy, although they will probably share the same conviction that the vilification directed at the targeted parent is justified.
The following is not an exhaustive list, but other factors to consider in the moderate stage would include:
1. The PAS-inducing parent refusing to communicate or co-operate directly with the targeted parent.
2. The PAS-inducing parent giving the child total control over contact arrangements.
3. Where the PAS-inducing parent talks of, or shows disrespect of the targeted parent in the child’s presence. i.e. when the targeted parent calls, the PAS-inducing parent gives the phone to the child saying “It’s him/her” or “It’s your father/mother in a disgusted tone of voice. This would also include hanging up the phone on the targeted parent or silently handing the phone to the child.
4. Doing and undoing statements - negative comments made about the targeted parent then denied.
5. The child will feel compelled to keep separate worlds and identities with each parent.
Sometimes, a PAS-inducing parent will understand the theoretical importance of the other parent in the life of the child, but believes that in his/her case, the targeted parent, due to character deficiencies, cannot be important to the child. Their statements and behaviours can be subtle but very damaging to the child.
The moderate cases are the most common.
It is in this category that the alienating parent's programming of the child is likely to be formidable and they may utilize a wide variety of exclusionary tactics. All eight of the primary manifestations are likely to be present, and each is more advanced than one sees in the mild cases, but less pervasive than one sees in the severe type.
Severe stage
In severe PAS the child is often fanatic or obsessional in his/her hatred of the target parent.For this reason alone the PAS-inducing parent no longer needs to be active, although the PAS–inducing parent will resort to anything to prevent the child maintaining a relationship with the targeted parent. The child takes on the PAS-inducing parent’s desires, emotions and hatreds and verbalises them all as its own.
The child views the history of the targeted parent and the targeted parent’s family as all negative and is unable to either remember or express any positive feelings for the target parent.
The child is very likely to refuse contact, make false allegations of abuse, threaten to run away, threaten to commit suicide or even murder - if forced to see the targeted parent.
The PAS-inducing parent will hold little or no value for the targeted parent and hatred may be completely overt. The child and the alienating parent have a pathological bond that is invariably based on shared paranoid fantasies of the targeted parent, sometimes to the point of folie a deux.
What does a severely alienated child look like?
1. They have a relentless hatred for towards the targeted parent.
2. They parrot the obsessed alienator.
3. The child does not want to visit or spend any time with the targeted parent.
4. Many of the child’s beliefs are enmeshed with the alienator.
5. The beliefs are delusional and frequently irrational.
6. They are not intimidated by the court.
7. Frequently, their reasons are not based on personal experiences with the targeted parent but reflect what they are told by the obsessed alienator. They have difficulty making any differentiate between the two.
8. The child has no ambivalence in his feelings; it’s all hatred with no ability to see the good.
9. They have no capacity to feel guilty about how they behave towards the targeted parent or forgive any past indiscretions.
10. They share the obsessed alienators cause. Together, they are in lockstep to denigrate the hated parent.
11. The children's obsessional hatred extends to the targeted parent's extended family without any guilt or remorse.
12. They can appear like normal healthy children until asked about the targeted parent that triggers their hatred.
